Nothing Gold

Fuck

My accident has ruined my life.

Forever Alone…

I know I’m in love with this kid. I try to fight it everyday because it seems pointless. Why am I in love with someone who I can never be with? But I am. And I know that from now until forever, I will always love him. I can’t even explain it. I love his sense of humor, his style, his sarcasm. I love how much he loves his kids. He thinks I hate hearing stories about them, but I honestly wish he would tell me more. When he talks about them, his eyes light up like fireflies. And Ilovethat about him. He has his flaws and his vices. But they make him who he is. We can spend all night together and only say 3 words the whole time and it doesn’t matter. We’re capable of enjoying eachothers company without awkward silences and meaningless small talk. I’m in love with him…and I wish I wasn’t.

When It Rains, It Pours

I have a problem with pills. I have for a while now, but because of my accident it has gotten much worse because I physically need to take them for the pain. At least that’s what my mind is telling me. Part of me thinks it’s more of psychological desire rather than physical. But right now it’s hard to tell and I’m nodding out as I’m typing this so I’m done.

And because of this my mind is fried. Run on sentences and misspellings. Not cool.

4:30am

A bruise here or there,

And cuts that run deep.

I dug myself a hole,

and now I sit there and weep.

The pain never stops,

Never fully goes away.

But I’ve come to terms

That the pain’s here to stay.

4 more down.

I’m starting to move slow.

But I need more,

My supply is running low

I lay in bed,

Scratching my arms til they bleed.

Opiates make me itch,

Some might call me a fiend.

While all this is happening,

I needed you with me.

To help me through this,

To set me free.

The love that was one there,

Was never there at all.

I hoped you would catch me,

But instead you let me fall.

Something went wrong

I still don’t know what.

So in the end I lost you,

And that was the deepest cut.